Lion

 A game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. 
One morning, while deep in the forest, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle and started to look for her. 
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a big rock, a large lion stood right in front of her. 
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" 
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. 
"How can you just do nothing?" the wife screamed at him. 
"The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it." 
x

We are laughing

 

Parking Spot

 Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking spot, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey."

Miraculously, a parking spot appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Baseball in Heaven

 Dave and Bob, who are both 90 years old, loved baseball their whole lives. One day, Dave turns to Bob and says, "Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you die first and go to heaven, you'll come back and tell me if there's baseball there."

Bob agrees, and makes Dave promise the same. Three months later, Bob dies. The next week, Dave wakes up in his sleep with someone calling his name. "Who's there?" he called out. "Dave! It's me Bob!"

"Bob! It's so good to hear from you! How's heaven?" Dave asked. "It's great!" said Bob. "But I've got some good news and some bad news."

"Well, tell me the good news first," said Dave.

"Okay, the good news is that there is baseball in heaven."

"That's great!" Dave exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that I was reading the lineup, and you're pitching on Friday."

Competitive Difficulties

 An overheard debate between Arnold Palmer and Ted Williams about the relative difficulties of their respective sports:

"C'mon, Arnie, how can you say that golf is harder than baseball? You hit a stationary ball, perched on a tee, with a club that has a flat face. I've got to hit a ball traveling at upwards of 100 mph — that might be curving or sinking — with a rounded bat."

"You might be right, Ted, but for one thing: You don't have to play your foul balls."

Sports Illustrated

 Nick Saban was shaving one morning early in his retirement when the phone rang and Miss Terry answered. She yelled upstairs, "Hey Nick, Sports Illustrated is on the phone for you." He rushed to the phone and said, "This is Nick Saban."

From the other end: "Good morning, Nick, this is Sports Illustrated. For $29.95, we can get you a six-month subscription."

Batteries for your hearing aids

 An older couple is sitting in church and the man whispers, "I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?" His wife says, "You should get new batteries for your hearing aids."